I’m not a dreamer. That is, I don’t view life through rose-colored glasses thinking that all my wishes will come true like some sort of Lifetime movie. I laugh at the utter idiocy of those movies. I’m a pragmatist, to a fault. I never assume the best will happen, because I view life as random chaos moving infinitely forward in a unchangeable pattern set forth from a huge cosmic explosion of energy dating back 13 billion or so years. I don’t believe in free will, karma, or destiny. In the infamous words of Mitch Hedberg, “I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’, and hook up with them later.”
Don’t I sound like a shot glass full of fun? It probably sounds like a depressing way to live but not for me. I simply observe the world in a way that feels logical to me, and that feels safe. Maybe it’s more comfortable for me to believe in a random, karma-less world where my actions and the events in my life hold less meaning. That’s probably more of a question for a therapist than you, so assume it was rhetorical.
With all that being said, what made me think I should quit my comfy job in a hospital to work part-time and pursue my childhood dreams? What were those dreams and why did they still seem to matter to me now that I had grown into a cynical adult?
A CHILDHOOD DREAM
This is me. Baby Sammy. This blond bundle of opinions and emotions was already a huge animal lover, and well-known in her family for such. “She takes after her grandmother,” Is what they would say. They were, of course, referring to my Dad’s mother, who was what you might call an unofficial animal rescuer. Besides the many pets that my dad grew up with, he also shared his home with the wayward creatures Mom would take home to nurse back to health. This is how they got Racky, the baby raccoon my dad helped raise. Racky had been orphaned when her mom was hit by a car, so obviously my grandmother took her in, bought a plastic kiddie pool, filled it with water and goldfish, and taught that baby raccoon how to fish. The whole story of Racky is kind of amazing, but let’s save that for another day. The point is, I would later follow in my grandmother’s footsteps, hand raising orphaned baby mice, nursing injured birds back to health, and trying to bring home every stray cat I found.
From the ages of basically 5 to 15, all I wanted to do was work with animals. My dream was to become a vet, mostly because that was the only career working with animals that I really knew as a kid. I remember submitting endless extra credit projects to my 5th grade teacher, all about horses, dogs, and cats. Instead of going to recess, I would be in the library with my friend Emily, working on these projects. I dreamed of one day getting to wake up each morning to take care of animals. However, when it came time to apply to college I started to panic. Was being a vet a realistic idea? How could I afford all that schooling? Would I even make enough money to pay off my student debt? With a mountain of doubt in front of me and others around me sharing that doubt, I did the only thing I could think to do and chose a major in something I enjoyed learning about; Neuroscience. I enrolled at the University of Connecticut in Physiology and Neurobiology and hoped that everything else would fall into place after that. If you are interested in the field you work in, you should be happy, right?
During college I became an EMT and started teaching CPR and first aid classes. This eventually led me to a job post-graduation as an EMT training assistant, and then working in residency education at a teaching hospital in Boston. It was an amazing job. Every day I got to help develop and execute educational workshops for clinicians in all departments. Surgery, orthopedics, radiology, obstetrics, cardiology, emergency medicine, and many more. We created advanced surgical models for residents to practice their technical skills on, and ran high-fidelity simulations where medical teams would test and refine their teamwork and communication skills. The team I worked with was phenomenal. Not only were they all exceptionally gifted, but they were generous and thoughtful human beings. It felt like family in our office. It was hard work, but it was exciting and I was surrounded by people who made me laugh every day.
A NOT-SO ADULTHOOD DREAM
Why in all heck would I leave such an amazing sounding job? Am I crazy? Maybe, but the fact was that despite how wonderful of a job it was, it wasn’t perfect. Just like any job it had it’s problems, but for some reason they seemed to weigh heavily on me. For a long time I couldn’t understand why. All jobs have their ups and downs, but here I was… honestly, kind of miserable. During the day I was fine and worked along side my colleagues with a genuine smile on my face. However, when I got home, I was drained. It felt like the life was being sucked out of me, and each day it was harder to recover from. After a few years, I realized that something had to change. So I spent a long time trying to determine what was causing my distress. What in my life had to change so that I could be happy and content? After a lot of self reflection, I realized that the real problem was not something in my life that was causing my unhappiness, it was what it was lacking. Purpose.
First, let me operationalize what I mean by “purpose.” For me, purpose is that work that lines up with your ethics and beliefs in a way that makes you feel personally fulfilled. It’s that thing that energizes you, and pushes you forward because you believe it is important work to be done. It might not be the most important work to other people in the world, but it is likely the most important work to you. Purpose is that feeling that you have made a positive impact to someone or something in this universe. I bet you can see where this might be going…
My work didn’t align with my purpose, and as soon as I realized that I knew exactly why. It may have taken me month to figure out that I was missing something big in my life, but it took me mere seconds to know what that something was. Saving animals.
The day I realized that, I knew that I would be leaving my job. I didn’t know when, but I knew things were going to change in a major way. Medical education is important, there is no denying that. Being part of the process that helps doctors and nurses hon their skills and provide better care to patients is a very worthy job. It just wasn’t my purpose. I was never going to find that fulfillment I was desperately seeking. But what else was I going to do?!?
THE BIG LEAP
I eventually decided I needed to take the plunge and just make some moves. I would find a part-time job doing something, and use the rest of my time to explore my options. I had been wanting to volunteer at my local rescue group for over a year, so now I would have time to do that. I could take a few graduate classes in animal sciences at my nearby university. So I began to peruse job boards for part-time work. That’s when I saw a posting for a part-time dog walker. I liked being outdoors, I liked dogs, I liked hiking. Why not be a dog walker? It seemed sort of crazy, but the kind of crazy that just might work. So I applied.
Life works out in mysterious ways sometimes. This felt like one of those right place, right time moments. When I interviewed for the job, I found out that it had far more opportunities available to me than I had imagined. The dog walking company had a sister business that provided dog training services to the Boston area and, if I wanted, there was a spot open there as an assistant trainer. When I accepted my offer to take the dog walker position, I also agreed to take on the role as assistant for group training classes. It would turn out the be the best decision of my life, and show me how I could put my skills, passions, and purpose together into my dream job.
We can talk about how I instantly fell in love with training another day. Needless to say, it put together my love of science and my passion for working with animals. During my apprenticeship I got to work with with incredible trainers, who also helped me prepare for my certification program through the Karen Pryor Academy.
A REALISTIC DREAM OF JUST BEING HAPPY
Dog training turned out to be everything I could ever want in a dream career. I finally found that feeling of purpose, and it had taken serious introspection, good luck, and a leap of faith. Quitting my previous job had been hard. It was a decision that weighed on me for months before I finally gave my two week notice, and for months after as well. I had many doubts during this time. Was I making the right decision? Should I just be happy to have a job and shut up? What would my parents think? In the end, I knew that happiness was out there, if I was willing to take a risk and go find it. I knew it would be hard, starting my career essentially from scratch, but if I could fill that void I had been feeling in my daily work, it might just be worth it.
Let me set the record straight though; quitting your job to follow a dream IS a luxury. Even though doing so took me months of planning, budgeting, and preparing; the fact that I was realistically able to make this transition is a privilege. My newfound joy in my work is thus a product of that privilege. I think everyone should be able to do what makes them happy, but I also understand that is not realistic for everyone. I wish this wasn’t true, but it is the world we live in. Not a day goes by that I am not deeply aware of the privilege that got me here. I don’t want this blog post to come off as a instructional on how anyone can quit their job and pursue some other goal, because I realize everyone situation is different.
The point is, I found my calling. My dream career that truly fulfills me. It feels weird to say. Corny, even. Yet, I can not deny that I am happier than I have ever been. I am continuously inspired by the amazing trainers around me and the incredible community I have found. There is so much to learn, and every thing I learn makes me more passionate and inspired to use that knowledge to help the dogs in my community. I wake up each day with a drive and passion to learn more, do more, and help more dogs. It almost makes me believe in sappy Lifetime movie stories. Almost.